What DO men do in sheds? According to Sam Cam's instagram, Dave's just got a new one for his back garden. He calls it a Shepherd's Hut. It's a small barn with wheels glued on and it's where he wants to write his memoirs.
It arrived by crane with a price tag of twenty five thou - but they threw in a stove, which could be handy when his story's finished and the hut's rendered obsolete. Plank by plank he can burn his surroundings until all that's left is a cast iron box and a bestseller.
They've had it specially painted too - and not just the colour of shed
(Cuprinol green or B&Q orange) but washed with a Farrow & Ball number called Mouse's Back. He'd wanted Tapir's Toenail, but that was poo-pooed by wifey due to it being too similar to their front door, Fox's Flange.
Does Dave really need a cave to write his memoirs
? Is the second office failing on the feng shui front? Is it not quite airy enough in the Amdega orangery? Surely Cameron's Cotswolds Cottage has a special nook for every conceivable activity?
I think the subtext of Sam's instagram gloat was that her husband needed to find somewhere more private for his Special David Time; and what more of a middle class solution could there be than a timber shack with a sturdy bolt as far away from the house as possible? Hear no evil...
The former leader of Great Britain now has go through the rigmarole of lighting a fire from scratch, drawing the curtains and powering up the pencil sharpener before he can embark on that private activity which will frazzle his brain and make his hand hurt. Writing can be quite exhausting.
I wonder where other former PM's went to pen their memoirs? I can't even begin
to imagine where Brown or Blair took themselves off to concentrate, let alone The Iron Lady. Perhaps there's a post-PM bunker somewhere, almost like a decompression chamber but with soft furnishings and a well stocked minibar. I imagine a panelled parlour adorned with paintings of Disraeli and Clement Attlee to get the creative juices flowing. And a sock drawer.
But back to 2017 and it turns out David has a fight on his hands. The children have seen the hut and they want it for themselves. One's after turning it into a Wendy House and another wants an alternative bedroom. Talk about scuppering your sanctuary. I felt sorry for the guy when I heard that. A bit.
So it looks like he's sharing it. I've thought of a back up plan for him though. When he's mid-chapter and his pen is flying off the page, he could simply stick up one of those signs you see on campsites... If the caravan's rockin' don't come knockin'
Or, he could just do what 99.9% of the male population do - lock the bathroom door.