Euro 2016: Not Enough Jeopardy
I don't mind Euro 2016, but there's not enough jeopardy for me. Here's my short, five point plan to spice up the beautiful game.
Sinkholes
Dotted throughout the pitch and ready to take a player out at any given moment.
Electric Shock Seating
Someone on your team receives a yellow card, you get quick jolt to the jeans. A red card and we're through to skin. Scarring a possibility in the case of a full-on pitch brawl.
Russian Roulette Ball
Looks like a football, but is it a football? Occasionally, the ball is cunningly swapped for a burstable sphere with fillings such as itching powder, dog poo, a wasps nest.
Streaker as Standard
Preferably someone from an ugly agency. Fans hold up scorecards based on appearance, performance and would you
?
Release the Kittens
During penalties, the advertising boards around the pitch open up and hundreds of little fluffy kittens bumble on in all their cuteness. An impossible scenario for the players. One small lapse in concentration and it's sayonara Snuggles.
Or...
I could just get drunk and go shopping.
